Tuesday, October 27, 2015

nice milestone

Today a friend who I see on a regular basis but who I haven't been able to chat with in a long time asked me "are you losing weight?"

this is the first person who doesn't know that I'm doing this to ask.

That felt nice!

Saturday, October 24, 2015

How to survive Halloween without sugar? ... hide

It's been awhile.  I apologize.  I was directing a show and then it opened and then it closed and since then I've been trying to catch up on all the grading I wasn't doing while the show was getting ready to open, then running, then closing.  Long story short: I'm 70 days sugar free and I've lost almost 15 pounds in the process.

Mostly it's been going very well.
Except now we enter an ominous time of year...

I went to a halloween party this afternoon.  A super adorable party thrown by the mom of one of the other kids in my daughter's daycare.  We got all dressed up:


And we head over to the party.
At first I was really pleased with how I felt.  I was standing there chatting to these moms, I was standing next to a huge plate of cupcakes AND a giant bowl of candy corn and candy pumpkins (which I have always weirdly loved) and I was FINE.  I was standing there thinking how cool it was that I was fine and that i didn't feel hungry and I didn't want any candy at all.

And then, I guess I hit a point where I had stood around people eating sugar for too long.  And suddenly I really really wanted some.  I didn't have any (unless there's sugar in doritos because I had some of those since I couldn't the treats and I didn't check the bag b/c f-that man!)  I made it out in tact.  But I really wanted to have some.

It's been interesting.  Most of the time I don't want sugar.  Except when I suddenly do.  And usually that want is more like I need comfort than any sort of hunger.  I also think there should come a time when I do chose to have sugar as a rare treat and then go back to not having it.  I just don't know when that will be.

I found a lovely snack at the grocery store today.  I got a few things that were only sweetened with dates or coconut sugar (both of which are allowed in IQS/SWEET POISON books) and all of them tasted like ass until I sampled some DANG COCONUT CHIPS.  Super lovely.  So I just need to replace this:

 with this: 

and maybe I will survive halloween.

next stop: thanksgiving!

Oh, ps, fun story... Today at the grocery store I was looking for Kool Aid packets to dye Madeleine's hair for the costume and she saw some containers of Kool Aid juice (not packets) and we had this conversation:

Madeleine: Momma, what is this?
Me: Well, that's a drink that some people like, but it's not very good for you.
Madeleine: No.
Me: yes, honey, it's junk, but it's a drink that's sort of like juice and some people like it.
Madeleine: They like it?  But it's bad for you.  It has sugar.  How can they drink it?
Random Lady Shopping Nearby: You are doing a great job mom!

yes yes, it was a lovely moment of pride for me.  And then she ate 3 mini cupcakes, drank a capri sun juice box, ate a packet of skittles and a lollipop at the party and I still felt like a jerk because I said "no more sugar" when all the other moms were just letting their kids enjoy the treats.

we fight the battles we can fight, right?

Friday, October 2, 2015


I've just entered Tech Week.

For those of you who have not been in a play in awhile (or ever) this means that we are soon to open and all the various elements of production (actors, costumes, scenic, lighting, props, hair/makeup, and sound) all get to come together in one room.
This can be a stressful time.

So far this show (The Last Days of Judas Iscariot) has been amazing to work on.  I have great designers coming up with brilliant ideas; great actors also coming up with brilliant ideas; and a tremendous stage management team who are keeping everything on track.  Rehearsals have been fun and inspiring and production meetings fruitful.
Basically: living the dream!

The reality is, though, that I'm a single parent of a small child who hates to be left behind (read: crying hysterically at the window "JUST ONE MORE HUG!") and there's also the other (more than) full time aspect of my job: the teaching.  So my days have been long, and while everything is great, it's still a lot to stay on top of.
Or, you know, almost stay on top of.

I'm also experiencing some low-grade sickness that seems to be storming through the ranks.  For me that means a sore throat and some chills and an overwhelming desire to lie down (though I pretty much always feel an overwhelming desire to lie down).

pretty much the only way to keep me from the chocolate
was to tie me to the mast
Last night at rehearsal when we were on a break, I walked past the vending machines on my way to fill up my water bottle.  My relationship with the vending machines changed somewhere around week 3 or 4 when I stopped having to turn away so that I wouldn't see the candy inside and thus be tempted by it's siren song.  Now when I walk past it, I look at the stuff inside like it's a wall of shoes or transistors radios; there's absolutely nothing that registers in my brain as it being food.  Or at least, it didn't until last night, when all of a sudden I saw the hydrox cookies sitting there (something I NEVER would have thought about eating 7 weeks ago when I was still living in Sugarlandia (population: almost everyone) and I really wanted them.

This was surprising.  I haven't really wanted any sugar at all in awhile.  I also knew I wasn't hungry.  I was just really tired, about to get sick, and running on fumes and I just wanted some comfort.  Sugar comfort.

Last night I resisted; though I started sort of bargaining with myself whether maybe I could have a real treat once in awhile.  But today I still sort of wanted some cookies (also interesting because with this slight illness I don't really want to eat any food).  When it suddenly dawned on me: surely one of these No Sugar websites will have some cookie recipes!

And lo and behold they did!  (my I QUIT SUGAR book also had recipes, but they were at home and I wanted to know if I needed any new ingredients) I printed out several recipes and made these two different ones tonight, with the help of my lovely daughter:

I made a double batch of the lemon coconut cookies because it called for the juice and zest of one lemon and I wasn't about to zest half a freaking lemon.  Also, I know the kids in my show are curious about this no-sugar thing, so I'll bring them in and let everyone try them.

I don't think anyone who's been eating sugar on a regular basis will think this, but I think they are both WONDERFUL!!  The first bite I took of the lemon cookie I thought "good lord, this doesn't taste like anything!"  But then I chewed and swallowed, and the loveliest taste blossomed in my mouth.  Soft and warm and almost sweet (or maybe sweet, but in the tiniest, least-offensive way).

I was still feeling sick so I just heated up a cup of chicken stock for dinner, then had one lemon cookie.  Then Madeleine (who was RRRRREAALLLLLYYYY excited to be making cookies) tried a bite of the lemon ones and spit them out.  Her palate still has a fair amount of sugar every day (try as I do to shield her, she still gets juice and granola bars and graham crackers at school)(and I let her have yogurt and oatmeal and jelly at home--but her story is another post I'll get into) so I'm sure these cookies tasted like dust to her.  So I finished her little cookie.

After I put her to bed I got a little plate out and put one of each cookie on them and carried them into the living room with some (whole) milk to write this.  And I couldn't finish the second cookie.  Or the milk.  They sit on the coffee table to my left waiting to go back to the kitchen, their snack destiny left unfulfilled.

And the thing is: these cookies are lovely!  I'm so glad I made them.  I am excited to eat them again sometime.  But I don't want any more now.
Said me before this NEVER!

not gonna lie: feeling a little Obama-y

oh yeahhhhhh!
ps. wish me luck on tech week :)