Monday, February 25, 2013

duh.


I hate it when someone points out something painfully obvious to me that I realize I've just been completely blind to.  I have not lost all the pregnancy weight.  I do not like this.  I know I haven't been running (really hoping that will be able to change soon); I know I've been leaning on sugar in a way that suggests I need to get to a meeting; and I KNOW that you're supposed to control your portion sizes.

and yet.

Today I had a checkup w/ the Dr.s office that will now be my primary care place.  The nurse practitioner who saw me listened to what I had to say about my life and my weight issues; then very gently reminded me that I should eat as many veggies as possible (roasted taste better) to fill up, but to take it easy on the carbs. To eat smaller portions.  She told me that I shouldn't have a serving larger than 1/2 a cup (or the amount that would fit in one cupped hand).

And I wanted to snap at her and say "I know that!!" or "I'm breastfeeding!! I'm hungry!! I need to eat!!" or even "bread and pasta are good for you!!"

but I also felt this voice inside me thinking "you are a MORON!  what have you been eating all this time!?"
(I know my mom doesn't like me talking to myself that way so I will say for the record that in general I do not think of myself as a moron, that's just how I react to poor choices I've made).

Tonight I roasted a LOT of veggies (brussels sprouts and broccoli), made some vegan fake barbecue, and then measured out a half a cup of the macaroni and cheese my parents heated up for dinner.

let me tell you, that half a cup took up a TINY part of my plate (and by those standards I guess I've been eating upwards of 10 servings w/ most meals).

I feel pretty good about what I ate tonight.  I feel pretty good about not really having any sweets for a week. But there is this irate woman inside of me that does not want to eat sensibly, that does not want to feel hungry, and does not want to count calories.  I guess I just have to deal w/ her bitching in my head for awhile.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Family Meeting #3


One thing that became clear over the course of last week is that I have more on my to-do lists (roadmaps, whatever) than can possibly be accomplished.  At first this was upsetting, but the more I thought about it the more I was ok with it: I don't really have a sense of just how much I can get done in a week as a mom (as a mom with a co-parent; before Zack was here I could get very little done).  So I will keep piling up my agenda until I get a sense of just how much I am able to do in this post-apocalyptic land called motherhood (a happy apocalypse).

I still haven't made it onto the treadmill but I am feeling like it's probably a good thing (and not just because it's often below zero in that room in the winter).  I HAVE been doing my stretch routine 5 nights a week and I can feel my body wake up and limber out.  Already!  I think it's probably good that I do this for awhile before adding something new to the routine.  Hoping to get the 5 applications I have on my list in this week, then email and call local/DC schools next week and then start jogging again the first full week of March.

Let's keep fingers crossed on this one!!

I'm also liking how focused this is making the two of us.  It's not just this spinning vortex of "WE NEED TO DO EVERYTHING!!! WHY IS NOTHING EVER GETTING DONE BUT THE DISHES????" many of our conversations are about all the things we're doing for our roadmaps.  Last week I wanted to save what I was finding/seeing/doing for the family meeting, but now I think "hey I want to talk about this now!" plus the meetings keep being twice as long as they're "supposed" to be.  Maybe if we're talking about it during the week it won't last as long on the weekends.

Ok.  Enough describing, back to doing!
(ps. Here's this week:)

Family Meeting #3 (2.17.2013)
  • Start: 4:11
  • Appreciations
    •  didn't write them down, but it was a good conversation.  We kept getting side-tracked into talking about other things, but in a way this felt like the realest conversation we had all week
  • Contributions
    • We need to get a dry-erase board just to keep the weekly schedule clear
    • Meals
      • Monday, Wednesday: Jennifer make dinner
      • Thursday, Friday: Zack make dinner (though I won't be there Friday)
      • Tuesday, Saturday, Sunday: leftovers or meals w/ the grandparents
  • Schedule activities
  • this is a bridesmaid paintball party (wear the worst dress and shoot it out.  brilliant but perhaps for another time
    • Madeleine's first birthday party
      • We decided that the weekend after her birthday is a better time to have the party
      • This week we will look up themes and ideas for the party
      • Want to invite lots of people, even from far away if they could possibly come, so, if you're reading this: you're totally invited :)
    • Trip to the library?
      • Tuesday afternoon
      • Remember: there will be fines so bring some cash
  • Life Insurance
    • We both looked up rates online
    • We can't really afford to get this until we have jobs
    • My rates are substantially lower if I get back to my pre-pregnancy weight
    • Goal: by the end of summer get insurance
    • Side note: I know he's younger than me, but his rates are hella-cheap!
  • Mission Statement
    • My three values
      • Caring/kindness/love
      • Determination
      • Honor
    • Zack's three values
      • Detachment
      • Steadfastness
      • Tact
    • Zack misunderstood.  When I said the three most important values to you, he thought the three he should most be focused on/working on.  He's taking another week to think about what values should be at the center of the family, which is fine b/c I need to take some time to re-read the chapter on making the family mission statement in Duct Tape Parenting
  • Meals
    • More veggies
    • Eat what's in the fridge/pantry before it turns
    • Eat cheaper
      • If organic meats are too expensive, don't eat meat!  Do not compromise by buying non organic meat
    • Meat only twice a week
    • My Meals
    • lamb rogan josh
      • Lamb Rogan Josh w/  rice
      • Veggie tofu stir fry
      • Possibly the morrocan carrot salad if they email me back
    • Zack's Meals ?
  • Environmentally Sound
    • Cloth diapers w/ tax refund?
      • I'm going to do research on this this week
    • What can we focus on this week?
      • Let's pick one new thing each week to draw our focus to :)
        • Zack agrees
      • Turning off lights in empty rooms is this week's focus
      • We're both supposed to look up ways we can be greener for next week
        • Check out Al Gore's an inconvenient truth website
  • Schedule
    • Mon: Grocery shopping/J make dinner
    • Tue: J therapy also call student loan people and cat vet while in signal area/library trip
    • Wed: J teach voice/game night (thermonuclear holocaust?)
    • Thur: J chiro/U32
    • Fri: J work U32/Girls night out
  • Volunteer
    • The valentines were really fun, what's something else we can do?
    • Research volunteer activities in the area?
  • Entertainment
    • One night this week not watching videos
      • Then do what?
        • Games night :)
    • Oscars in a week
      • Really want to see LINCOLN and FLIGHT beforehand, other oscar nominees as well
      • Netflix is lined up to send me what's available
  • Miscellaneous
    • When you shave/brush teeth you must clean out the sink afterwards
  • Close of family meeting #3: 4:56pm

Jennifer's Road Map
  • Parenting
    • Re-read chapter on how to create a family mission statement in Duct Tape Parenting
  • Get in Shape
    • Stretch five times this week (  )
    • Get on the treadmill once
    • Read 30 pages in the baby belly book
    • BAKS
      • Write them out on a cheat sheet
      • Add more of them to each stretch routine
  • Find a job
    • Submit 5 applications ( )
      • Trinidad y Tobago
      • Wilmington
      • Auburn
      • Jacksonville State
      • Western Illinois
  • Write in Blog
    • Family meeting #3
    • One other 
  • Read
    • Bringing Up Bebe (read more)
    • 30 pages in Belly Book
    • Chapter in Sears sleep book 
  • Physical/Mental Well being
    • Chiropractic
    • Acupuncture (sugar help)
    • Sugar
      • Write about it
      • Pick a stop date (2.26.13-3.26.13)
    • Phone/skype date with one of your major loved ones (Lisa)
    • Play date w/ one of the moms
    • Girls night out 2.22.13
  • Solvency
    • Taxes
    • Talk to student loan people (before they send someone to break my legs)
    • More studentts
  • Spanish
    • Get books in Spanish from library (for Bee)(but I've been learning from those as well)
  • Travel
  • Environmentally sound
    • Research things we can do to be greener
    • Focus this week on the lights being turned off when we leave a room
    • Look into cloth diapers
  • Volunteer
    • Research volunteer opportunities in the area
  • Politically active
  • Miscellaneous
    • Write up Madeleine's various schedules so others can follow them
    • Get large dry erase board to keep weekly schedule clear
    • Call vet to make an appointment for Auschwitz cat
    • Get car started (battery)
    • Send Zack substitute teaching application form again


Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Family Meeting #2 (2.10.2013)


I'm beginning to wonder if I'm setting myself up for failure (or a mental breakdown); if I'm expecting more of myself than I could possibly get done in a day or week (reality check: it took me to Wednesday to get these notes typed up!).  That said, I'm really enjoying the family meetings and feel like I do have a better hand on what is going on.  Here's how our second meeting went:


  • 4:15 start
    • Zack is on the job! (keeping time)
  • Appreciations
    • Last week Phina said that she was curious what we said we appreciated about each other so I wrote down some of our appreciations
    • I told Zack that I appreciated that he shaved off his stubble but left a moustache; and that we can turn conflict into humor. (about a year ago we got into a fight about something and I told him that the way to make it right with me was to let me draw a moustache on his face.  He agreed.  A few days later after we had a spat about something else he joked "phew!  I was afraid you were going to draw another moustache on me." And since then we just joke about moustaches being a punishment for him.  So the other day he was going to do all this stuff while I had Madeleine down for a nap, except he didn't do the majority of it because he'd just been watching  videos on youtube.  He also hadn't shaved in about a week so I asked him to shave off the beard and leave the moustache as a reminder to do the work first and get to play if there was time.  And WOULDN'T YOU JUST FUCKING KNOW IT: he even looks gorgeous with a moustache!!!  He does not look like a pedophile or a bank manager, he looks like freaking Douglass Fairbanks.  So ridiculous!  Anyway, it makes me laugh every time I see it.  I hope it stays for a little while.  Pictures coming whenever it fills in enough.  It's a great way to diffuse tension, I think, to just find a way to laugh about it all and move on).
    • Zack told me he appreciated how organized I am
    • We both said we appreciated how patient the other one is with Madeleine
  • Contributions
    • We both felt like this past week went well and we should continue on this path
    • One thing we can do is to write out some of her routines and leave those notes all over the house so that whoever is taking care of her has a map to follow
  • Schedule activities
    • Pass out Valentine's cards to strangers
      • There are some cards from Mom's card making event at her happiness store but we think it would be better if there were more
      • Will make some Tuesday night (while we listen to the State of the Union)
      • Will pass them out on Thursday at lunch downtown in Montpelier
    • Political Rally
      • 10 am Saturday
      • Should we bring Madeleine?
        • I want to make sure she is being political
        • It is her nap time
        • We are leaning towards bringing her, but not 100%
    • Sledding
      • Zack wants to take Bee sledding at least once this week
    • Valentine's Date Night
      • Zack wants to see Warm Bodies, how romantic
      • Wednesday or Friday (mom and dad are going to watch Bee, but they have a Valentine's date themselves)
  • Miscellaneous
    • I want to add three elements to how we are being a family/raising her
      • Being political
      • Volunteering
      • Being environmentally sound
    • Zack wants to do some activities with her when she is older
      • Putt Putt, laser tag, other physical play stuff (I also want to play laser tag, because it is -wait for it- AWEsome)
    • Life insurance
      • I think we both need to get life insurance in case anything terrible happens she will be taken care of
      • We are each going to contact our current car insurance companies to get quotes about life insurance
    • Trash in the living room
      • Mom has requested that we not leave trash in the living room on its way out to the outside cans
    • We seriously need to get the cat to the vet
      • My job to call and make an appointment
    • Jenny
      • Jenny has asked if we can babysit Edwin on Thursday
    • Meals
      • Went over grocery list/meal plan
      • I am going to cook 2 dinners this week
        • Almond crusted cod w/ buerre blanc sauce, potatoes, asparagus
        • Chicken curry w/ rice, mushrooms, beets
      • Zack is going to cook 1 dinner this week
        • Chicken Marsala
    • Crazy schedule
      • Mon: j dr.s appointment
      • Tue: z work/make valentines
      • Wed: J teach voice/date night
      • Thur: J chiro/pass out valentines/babysit
      • Fri: Z work/J work
  • Mission Statement
    • First step to writing a family mission statement: we each pick the 3 values we think are the most important
    • Will compare lists at the next family meeting and move forward
  • Close of family meeting #2
    • 4:52
    • There were some interruptions and we were taking care of a 10 month old at the same time but how in the heck are these meetings supposed to be 20 minutes?
    • Seems like they shouldn't be more than 30 minutes though

Road Map Meeting #2
This was actually much shorter than last week's meeting and the family meeting just before it.   We just talked about what we did on our lists, what didn't get done, why it didn't get done and how to change that for the coming week, and then we listed our new roadmap items.

I thought a lot this past week about what was working in terms of getting things accomplished and what wasn't.  The biggest problem is that I don't really have time to fill out applications AND work out AND do one of the naps w/ her.  Zack is totally willing to do two naps in the day, but I don't want to give up both naps.  I know she's just there sleeping, but it's a relaxing time for me when she is asleep and it's a happy time when she wakes up and we can play quietly and snuggle just the two of us.  So I have a few options: one, I can give up both naps, work out with one and apply for work with the other.  Two, I can work out in the morning and then fill out job applications at night after she's gone to bed (Captain Burnout, anyone?).  Three, I can just power through the next two or three weeks and get all the job applications that are backed up filled out and THEN start really working out.

I'm guessing option three is where it's at.

I have been stretching a lot and that is helping with the pain in my shoulder (hopefully, Thursday's chiropractic visit will also help with that), and I'm going to add some strengthening work to the sessions this week based on what I've been reading about diastasis.

With Madeleine's roadmap we're feeling like everything went quite well except for the sleep.  We seem to be loosing ground: not only did the plan to only nurse every 3 hours completely fail, but she won't even take a pacifier to go back to sleep.  Something has happened and now every time she wakes up in the night she will ONLY stay asleep if she is attached to the breast.  I have stayed up for HOURS in the past week trying to get her to go back to sleep or STAY back asleep with a pacifier not me.  No dice.    She waits me out (and by "wait" I mostly mean "scream").  Zack just leaves the bed so that I can prop myself up with pillows and try to sleep while she nurses.  *sigh*  hopefully this phase will be exited swiftly.

Finally, I am going to need to think about sugar.  Perhaps that is an entire blog in and of itself.  My addiction to sugar while knowing that it is making me sick.  My refusal to let Madeleine have sugar while eating it myself.  It's a problem.  But she's up so I gotta go.

Jennifer's Road Map
  • Get in Shape
    • Stretch five times this week (Sunday,  )
    • Get on the treadmill three times
    • Read 30 pages in the baby belly book
    • BAKS
      • Write them out on a cheat sheet
      • Do them every time I stretch
    •  
  • Find a job
    • Submit 5 applications (Missouri State)
    • Mail hard copies to Amherst and Kent State
  • Write in Blog
    • Family meeting #2
    • One other (Kevin Gray)
  • Read
    • Bringing Up Bebe 
  • Physical/Mental Well being
    • Chiropractic
    • Email Kerry about sugar
    • Phone/skype date with one of your major loved ones (scheduled a phone date w/ Johanna for Saturday afternoon)
    • Play date w/ one of the moms
    • Figure out what you're going to do on the moms night out on the 22nd
    • Mardi Gras in Maple Corner
    • Valentine's Date w/ DBF
  • Solvency
    • Taxes
    • Talk to student loan people (before they send someone to break my legs)
    • Pay capital one bill
    • More voice students?
  • Spanish
    • Sub the Spanish class U32
  • Travel
  • Environmentally sound
  • Volunteer
    • Pass out Valentine's cards/chocolates to strangers
      • Must make them first
      • Must get materials to make them FIRST
  • Politically active
    • Watch State of the Union
    • Rally at the statehouse to ban assault weapons
  • Miscellaneous
    • Write up Madeleine's various schedules so others can follow them
    • Get large tablet of paper and markers
    • Geico: life insurance quotes
    • Call vet to make an appointment for Auschwitz cat
    • 3 values most important to you (for mission statement)
    • Get car started (battery)


Madeleine's Road Map
  • Sleep through the night
    • Try to get her to sleep unattached to the boob
    • Zack sometimes put her to sleep/back to sleep
    • Read the next chapter in the Sears sleep book
    • Commit to some rough nights/naps
  • Talk
    • Read to her
    • Talk to her
  • Walk
    • Lure her with electronics (she's really getting there)
  • Feed Self
    • Relax about the mess
    • Eat at least one meal with her

Home Road Map
  • Clean
    • Clean pantry
  • Good Mom & Dad relationship
    • DTD
    • Not watch videos every night
  • Entertainment
    • Oscar movies: Beasts of the Southern Wild
    • Continue w/ West Wing
  • Healthy living
    • Meal plans/grocery store
  • Good parenting
    • More with Duct Tape Parenting

(Zack's road map is written in his book so I can't copy it here)

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Family Meeting #1 (2.3.2013)



if that duct taping doesn't work...
After reading Vicki Hoefle's book Duct Tape Parenting I have been moved to try many of her suggestions in my own life (parenting and otherwise).  One thing that she suggests is having a family meeting once a week.  Everyone in the family is invited, no one is required to come (though she goes on to say that kids' allowances will be distributed at the end of every family meeting and if you don't come you don't get your allowance, which seems a little less voluntary than at first blush, but whatevs).  The basic format that I have gleaned from the book is something like:
  • Call meeting to order
  • Appreciations
    • where you say at least one thing you appreciate about each family member present
    • The book actually suggests keeping an Appreciation Board somewhere in your house that you can write on throughout the week and then just read at the meeting
  • Contributions
    • where you pick which household duties you will be responsible for that week
    • This is basically "chores" but I like the positive name to it
  • Problem solving
    • She says no more than one a meeting
    • Meetings are supposed to be short (15-20 minutes MAX)(and if you don't get through all the stuff for the meeting at the end of the 20 minutes the meeting is over anyway and no allowance is doled out)(not really sure the point of this but she was pretty adamant about that)
  • Schedule activities
  • Allowance
    • She suggests giving kids one dollar for every year old they are (5 year olds get $5)
    • Allowance stops at age 14 when kids are old enough to get some kind of a part-time job
    • Some of the parents in my group thought this was too much $, but the money is supposed to be used for many things
      • Any birthday presents kids need to buy for their friends
      • Any time you're out and the kid says "moooooooooom can I have _____?" the answer is "did you bring your money?" and if they say "yes" then they can buy it themselves and if they say "no" then they can just suck it!
      • This is how you can teach them to manage their own finances from a young age (get a bank account, make a budget, etc etc)
  • Close meeting

I had been talking to Zack about this book as I got more and more into it, and I asked him if he would be amenable to the idea of having a weekly family meeting.  Zack, who is super laid back and willing to try most anything, said "sure." 

I realize that Madeleine is too young to participate in these meetings, but my hope is that Zack and I can learn a constructive approach to parenting (and dealing with each other in this new phase of our relationship) and have the shape of it all down by the time MadSass is old enough to join in; and that she will just grow up in this sort of a family environment from the start. 

These are the notes from our first family meeting and the road map meeting we had to schedule for right after the family meeting b/c that would take longer than 20 minutes:


Family Meeting #1 (2.3.2013)
  • We began a little after 4 and assigned jobs
    • Zack is the time keeper
    • Jennifer is the secretary
    • Madeleine is in charge of being awesome
  • Appreciations
    • Zack went first
    • Jennifer went second
    • Zack wanted to go again since it made more sense after he heard Jennifer do it (b/c jennifer read the book)
    • Madeleine observed
  • Contributions
    • Talked about how we could share responsibilities more but not make a chore wheel or anything
    • Zack said we should try to do everything as much as possible together just to get the flow of it
    • I said I really like when we map out what needs to be done and then each take half of the work and GO!
    • We're going to try to split the naps this week
      • Zack in the morning
      • Jennifer in the afternoon
    • I asked if Zack would sometimes take two naps so that I can get caught up on the job applications
    • Zack will put Madeleine to sleep one night a week (not more right away since she is still nursing) and share more in the night time parenting back to sleep to help avoid burnout for Jennifer
  • Shared the relationship strategies on page 92 of Duct Tape Parenting
  • Schedule activities
    • Need to plan out what we need in terms of meals this week, make a grocery list, go to store
    • Need to take a family trip to Burlington
      • Zack looked up the weather for the week, looks like Thursday is out best bet
    • Jennifer wants to go to the Bosom Buddies meeting --> will pair that with grocery shopping
    • The family meetings are supposed to be short so we only have 20 minutes, so to talk about road maps we will meet right after family meeting to talk about our roadmaps for ourselves, Madeleine, and the family as a whole
    • Want to find a time to work on the family mission statement
  • Close of family meeting #1

Road Map Meeting
  • Zack and I talked the night before about our individual and family goals so those were already written up, so this meeting was about discussing Madeleine's goals and how we are going to each work towards our roadmap destination

Jennifer's Road Map
  • Get in Shape
    • Stretch five times this week (Sun, Mon, Tues.)
    • Get on the treadmill twice
    • Read 20 pages in the baby belly book
    • Deal with sugar relationship (Pam)
  • Find a job
    • Submit 5 applications (Ashland)
  • Write in Blog
    • Family meeting (this is that)
    • One other
  • Spend Time w/ Friends
    • Bosom buddies
    • One playdate with either gretchen or niki
    • Schedule a girls night sometime in february (made a group on facebook and invited moms)
    • Schedule a night to go to burlington w/ zack
  • Read
    • Finish The Dog Star (Monday, Tuesday)
  • Physical/Mental Well being
    • Acupuncture
    • Chiropractic (made appointment for next week)
  • Solvency
    • Pay capital one bill
  • Spanish
    • Sub the spanish class
  • Travel
    • Go to Burlington

Madeleine's Road Map
  • Sleep through the night
    • Try to nurse every 3 hours, not every time she wakes up (unless she has a complete meltdown)
    • Zack sometimes put her back to sleep (zack got her back to sleep on Monday night)
    • Read chapter in the Sears sleep book
    • Commit to some rough nights/naps
  • Talk
    • Read to her
    • Talk to her
  • Walk
    • Lure her with electronics (Monday, Tuesday)
  • Feed Self
    • Relax about the mess
    • Eat at least one meal with her (Sunday night)

Home Road Map
  • Clean
    • Clean fridge (done)
  • Good Mom & Dad relationship
    • DTD
    • Not watch videos every night
  • Entertainment
    • Oscar movies: Beasts of the Southern Wild
    • Continue w/ West Wing
  • Healthy living
    • Meal plans/grocery store
  • Good parenting
    • More with Duct Tape Parenting

(zack's road map is written in his book so I can't copy it here)